English, language, things.

9/8

About a week or more time passed. Since I arrived Providence, first I stayed at my friend's apartment for three days. During those time, I opened my account and received my student ID card, also bought some stuff from Walmart. I was with my friend, whose first language was also Korean, my parents were close near by me, I was happy, excited about new city and environment. This city, Providence in Rhoad Island is beautiful. Buildings were all seemed historical, the road under my feet was made by rocks and they fit each other that parts became together into one road. River flowing along the street, the swan was sitting on the water softly. The scene was magical and made me feel like I was in some old style movie. It was perfect.

After moving into my room on campus, still everything was same but my parent left. Since the first day of class, I needed to contact my friend and make an appointment to see her. Before then, we were in same space spending whole day together, I was fine. But suddenly I realized that I am here in Providence as alone. Loneliness started to shake me and I was bit terrified. 

When I first made my mind to study abroad, there was a clear plan. But at the moment I forgot that. 

English was a big issue for me. In Korean, I was able to chat a lot with people freely and discussed theory and technologies I was interested in. Sensitive and delicate use of language was possible and observing other people during talking with them was a quick way for me to understand others. But here, I feel myself so much like a baby. A baby who is just starting to learn a language that she has to use every means like, gestures, signs, sounds to make people understand what she is talking about. Also, it was hard to understand if someone talks in fast speed. Everything was uncertain, vague to me. 

There was similar experience before. When I was in college, I worked as an assistant for a hearing-impaired student for three years. At first, it was hard to catch what he was talking to me, but year after I adjusted that I was able to talk with him at normal speed. Because he lost his hearing right after he born, his pronunciation was not clear. He speaks in a mumble and every words were jumbled up with mumbling sound that it was hard to recognize. Every time I listen to him, a picture of words trapped in a bush came across in my mind. 

Things around me and happening to me was similar. Whenever I ask about something I was new, my word just scrambled inside of sentences and I was saying some very weird thing like this:  are you have website of library? 

I said that to the woman who was sitting on the library desk in this morning. It was my first time borrowing books from the library so I wanted to ask about the process of checking a book out and browsable web database. Since the university where I undergraduate, there was kind of portal website of the library where I could check all events and situations, status, due date related to the library, I wanted to ask her whether RISD library has a similar one. But she wrote the due date at the paper which was attached to book so when I asked her about these things, she questioned me back. "You can check your due date at the paper. Is there any other information you need more?" 

I got flurried and started to spit out words which just popped in my head. "I wonder.. is there any website.. where.. um.. I can check.. myself.. about the books... I borrowed and maybe about some specific books.. or information about my status.. which shows due date and.. um.. titles.. the book I borrowed... " Her eyes got bigger and question mark was appearing in her face more and more clearly. Finally, she understood what I was asking for and explained that due date should be checked from the paper, and also there is the web page where I can search through RISD library, but other things are not possible. 

US, is also the place where people live their lives and struggle with a problem, make things happen and work so just 'living life' here, it was not a big deal. But interacting with here, it was challenging.